This experience happened about a month ago and I still haven't written it down so here goes finally...
Baby C as you know or maybe you don't but you will...he has had a sensitivity, allergy, who knows what it is yet, but he struggles with dairy...so we try our best to keep that out. The kid eats and eats so fast you can't even sit down to eat before you are up again getting him food. He nursed literally every two hours on the dot, he still is hungry all the time it seems. Thankfully he has gotten somewhat better with the whole idea of chewing your food before swallowing.
So let's go back to Christmas time of 2015. The meal consisted of spinach, pears, pomogranates, and I can't remember the rest. He was loving, loving, loving the pears and pomogranates. I gave him probably two whole pears and thought he had chewed them up. Fast forward an hour or so to family home evening. What happens? Cayson, I want to say spit up but we will say threw up whole pears and pomogranates nothing digested because nothing had been chewed. Some family left being freaked out that he was sick, I would have done the SAME thing...He was fine after a bath and ten minutes...thankfully because I don't care what you say, but no one likes throw up. Little did I know that Miss A was grossed out and a few months down the road she became terribly afraid of it happening to her. This old little incident is called "C's thing" in our house. She would say as she was eating..."am I just afraid of C's thing"? We had watched a Studio C episode within those few months in which the green crayon talks about throwing up chunks of green, and then at church her friend told her a story about her throwing up...and so now you know where it all began.
Miss A is a perfectionist, she has some high anxiety, and for two weeks she was VERY OCD. I know I was like that but OCD in different ways. For two weeks she started to refuse to wear any clothes that were green or orange, if you were wearing those colors she wouldn't touch you. She then started to refuse to wear clothes at all, and it was a HUGE tantrum anytime you would mention it. Take Easter Sunday for example...we missed sacrament meeting because she was crying afraid to put clothes on...we finally settled on aqua pants and a pink Elsa and Anna shirt...hair not done, not even combed, but we went to primary. The rest of Easter Sunday turned out so much better! She became more terrified as each day went on. She washed her hands all day long after touching anything, she woke up in the middle of the night one night crying because she was afraid her hands were dirty and she washed her hands for well over thrity minutes not being able to pull herself away. She was miserable. She wouldn't touch anything, she wouldn't let me touch her or if I did she would wipe it on the carpet, if she touched something she would wipe on the carpet, her face, legs, hands, arms you name it. She walked with her arms out, not touching her sides, fingers extended hands vertical. It made me so sad...it was literally taking over her little five year old life. I was a mess which didn't help. I had no clue what to do. I prayed and prayed asking for help and didn't seem to find anything. I was upset because I wanted her to be her normal happy five year old self again. I wanted to stop arguing over wearing clothes, washing hands, letting me hug her etc. Nothing came... I thought maybe she needs to go see someone and then other people had said that which made me feel really uncomfortable because I didn't think that was the right answer...
Well The second week, on a Thursday rolled around and I began to pray late one night, as I knelt down to say my prayer...it was about 10 or 10:30 and then my phone rang. It was my mom and dad. We talked about what was going on, how things were and I just broke down and sobbed. My mom basically said to me to quit being a baby, get yourself together, stop crying, you are the mom. At first I was upset with her for saying that to me...I thought well you are my mom aren't you supposed to comfort me? Can't I just cry, this is an experience that is hard...
After we all talked for a little longer and they said some other things we all hung up and then I started my prayer for the second time. I began by telling Him how upset I was and hurt by what she said, and kept talking just pouring out in prayer...as we kept talking my whole thoughts, and attitude began to change. My mind and heart were cleared...I realized my mom was totally right, she was being the mom that I needed! I would have understood that if I hadn't been in the oh I wish this would just go away attitude, I can't do this...blah blah blah. My mom saying that was my answer to the prayers that hadn't been answered yet. After my heart and changed the Lord was able to ease my burden because I was able to receive the revelation I needed to be able to help Miss A. I was humbled and had a better attitude not the sulking this is so hard for me..you know what I mean?
The next day we were in the Shopkin isle at Walmart. Miss A had clothes on, she had enough money, so we took her to buy the shopkin toy she had been saving for. Well she still was wiping off after touching things she thought was dirty...so she hadn't touched me or my clothes. Mr. D and baby C took off to look at something else so it was just the two of us there. She saw a pony toy she wanted also but only had enough money for one toy...the pony or the shopkin. I could see it in her face, her anxiety was beginning to rise, she got nervous and tense and began to cry. She was feeling stress over the toys too. I got down on my knees and looked at her, with a lot more patience and love then I had had the previous days, and I think I asked if she was okay or something like that. She looked at me and with tears in her eyes she said, "mommy I think I need a hug again". Words that filled my whole soul with joy! She hugged me and then she sat on my lap on the floor down the shopkin isle at walmart...people coming by I am sure thought she was crying because she couldn't have the toy she wanted, but in all actuality her healing and mine were starting to take place. We sat and cried and talked for a while about everything and I just hugged my sweet five year old.
Things started to get back to how they were after that and I was actually praying that we would have the nasty stomach bug come to our house thinking maybe it would help things get better quicker because she would realize that it is okay. But the Lord has a time frame and I honestly believe that it is way better than ours...
Two weeks ago after not praying for it...it hit us here and she was a champ. She was the sweetest little girl through it all. She has been okay with it all and made it through, she has told me "mommy, I am going to wear my clothes always". This little lady of ours just thinks of all the possibilities and what can go wrong and this and that...and it can be a little frustrating for me when other people say things about what they think we've done wrong, or think we should do. The Lord has blessed us with her and I learned through this that He knows her more than anyone which is why going to Him is the best place to go because He will guide you as you ask and wait. It is in His way and this experience has taught me the sweetness of His way, not easiness because it was challenging and I still worry that it will come back, but I know that the Lord knows what is going on and if I turn to Him with humility He will guide me. I am grateful for my mom who was inspired to say what she did. She changed my mothering completely and for that I will always be grateful. She is a marvelous woman. She is a blessing in my life and I know that the Lord knows I need her!
I also learned that I can't control my kids life. I am not in charge. They come with their own personalities and hardships. I get to be the influence in their life that will hopefully bring them closer to Christ through it all..the thick, the thin, the joy, the hardships. That is what mothering is about, being there to teach, love, nurture, and remind them of the divinity within. I love being a mom even if I stink sometimes :) It is okay.
Friday, May 20, 2016
Baby C Turned TWO!
WOW!!! He turned two years old...can you believe it??? Where did the time go? Baby C is no longer a baby anymore, yet I find myself still thinking he is. His favorites as of now are...Drum roll please...
BASEBALL- didn't see that one coming did ya? He lives for baseball. His new word which he just started to say the past couple of days is...can you guess? Yankee's. Nope no help from us on that one. He came up to me the other day and said, "Mama Ball? Yankee's?" I could not figure out what he was talking about, he has a Yankee's shirt and hat, but we don't have TV so we don't get to watch them play or anything... So his new baseball and bat from Papa has now turned into "Yankee's ball, Yankee's bat" sorry dad...I had nothing to do with it! He still walks around with the Giants hand and says "GO Giants Go Giants"! Poppy...you should be very proud.
He wakes up grabs his bat and ball runs to the family room and if daddy is home it's "Daddy pay ball" "me pitch" and then baby C will pitch to my D man and they will play forever. He LOVES when we get to see his cousin because his cousin loves to play ball too so they have started to play together...Baby C thinks it is the coolest thing in the world, it is right!
He loves his sister...Don't know how this happens, but brothers and sisters come to earth knowing how to push each others buttons AND knowing how to love each other unconditionally. They take things from each other, they get mad at each other...like tonight Miss A was having a hard moment and I was trying to get C to bed she was mad because "her night light" which she hasn't used for months was in his room. She wanted it back. She threw her little fit saying it's mine, it's mine...well baby C thought it was funny and began to say back to her "mine" and on it went. He thought it was funny she thought it wasn't and for about ten minutes until I broke it up because I wanted some peace they went on...sometimes one of them says I wish so and so wasn't in our family...but then something beautiful happens and then they make up...they hug, they tackle, they laugh, they tickle, they play with each others toys, they get to play together (which has been so fun to see), and you can see they really do love each other.
He loves to play cars when he isn't playing ball.
He loves when daddy comes home
He loves the song I'm so Glad When Daddy Comes Home
He loves the song Itsy bitsy spider, Popcorn Popping, the Wheels on the Bus, I Love to See the Temple, Star Wars Theme.
He LOVES Star Wars- He is always "Chewy" well it is now "ewbaca" He gets the blasters and the lightsabers...he used to only use the blue (pool noodle) but now he uses the green and is often times "Yooda" He asks me this, "Mam dun dun" and then I begin to sing the star wars theme, he gets Really excited and dances and waves his lightsaber around.
He loves food...any food except we found out today watermelon. He is not a watermelon eating boy. He loves cheese...it makes him break out sadly and gets gassy...but if he can sneak it he will.
He loves to sleep in our bed.
He loves to wear sunglasses and hats
He loves Mickey Mouse
He loves to go to Nana and Papas house..Miss A still wishes we lived there.
He loves to climb especially when I say no
He loves balloons
He loves to "run" all over all the time...falling is now at a minimum I hope. I am almost certain that we will be having broken bones because he is crazy.
He loves to cuddle
He loves to brush his teeth and play in the bath
He loves to pray- His sweet little prayers go something like this, "Father, HAPPY day, Happy Jesus, peese bess Jesus, peese bess good amen" I love hearing him pray...we all do! D man and I thought of them when we read this scripture in Mosiah in The Book of Mormon the other day..."And they gave thanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God."
I am grateful every single day to be his mom and to have these two sweet ones. I have to remind myself that they are kids, they aren't perfect, I am not perfect and goodness patience is something I had and I hope I find it soon.....sometimes moments are hard. They are heaven sent and the biggest blessing in our life. They truly make our life sweeter, we have to work together for their good and as we do that it blesses us so much. I wouldn't want it any other way.
BASEBALL- didn't see that one coming did ya? He lives for baseball. His new word which he just started to say the past couple of days is...can you guess? Yankee's. Nope no help from us on that one. He came up to me the other day and said, "Mama Ball? Yankee's?" I could not figure out what he was talking about, he has a Yankee's shirt and hat, but we don't have TV so we don't get to watch them play or anything... So his new baseball and bat from Papa has now turned into "Yankee's ball, Yankee's bat" sorry dad...I had nothing to do with it! He still walks around with the Giants hand and says "GO Giants Go Giants"! Poppy...you should be very proud.
He wakes up grabs his bat and ball runs to the family room and if daddy is home it's "Daddy pay ball" "me pitch" and then baby C will pitch to my D man and they will play forever. He LOVES when we get to see his cousin because his cousin loves to play ball too so they have started to play together...Baby C thinks it is the coolest thing in the world, it is right!
He loves his sister...Don't know how this happens, but brothers and sisters come to earth knowing how to push each others buttons AND knowing how to love each other unconditionally. They take things from each other, they get mad at each other...like tonight Miss A was having a hard moment and I was trying to get C to bed she was mad because "her night light" which she hasn't used for months was in his room. She wanted it back. She threw her little fit saying it's mine, it's mine...well baby C thought it was funny and began to say back to her "mine" and on it went. He thought it was funny she thought it wasn't and for about ten minutes until I broke it up because I wanted some peace they went on...sometimes one of them says I wish so and so wasn't in our family...but then something beautiful happens and then they make up...they hug, they tackle, they laugh, they tickle, they play with each others toys, they get to play together (which has been so fun to see), and you can see they really do love each other.
He loves to play cars when he isn't playing ball.
He loves when daddy comes home
He loves the song I'm so Glad When Daddy Comes Home
He loves the song Itsy bitsy spider, Popcorn Popping, the Wheels on the Bus, I Love to See the Temple, Star Wars Theme.
He LOVES Star Wars- He is always "Chewy" well it is now "ewbaca" He gets the blasters and the lightsabers...he used to only use the blue (pool noodle) but now he uses the green and is often times "Yooda" He asks me this, "Mam dun dun" and then I begin to sing the star wars theme, he gets Really excited and dances and waves his lightsaber around.
He loves food...any food except we found out today watermelon. He is not a watermelon eating boy. He loves cheese...it makes him break out sadly and gets gassy...but if he can sneak it he will.
He loves to sleep in our bed.
He loves to wear sunglasses and hats
He loves Mickey Mouse
He loves to go to Nana and Papas house..Miss A still wishes we lived there.
He loves to climb especially when I say no
He loves balloons
He loves to "run" all over all the time...falling is now at a minimum I hope. I am almost certain that we will be having broken bones because he is crazy.
He loves to cuddle
He loves to brush his teeth and play in the bath
He loves to pray- His sweet little prayers go something like this, "Father, HAPPY day, Happy Jesus, peese bess Jesus, peese bess good amen" I love hearing him pray...we all do! D man and I thought of them when we read this scripture in Mosiah in The Book of Mormon the other day..."And they gave thanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God."
I am grateful every single day to be his mom and to have these two sweet ones. I have to remind myself that they are kids, they aren't perfect, I am not perfect and goodness patience is something I had and I hope I find it soon.....sometimes moments are hard. They are heaven sent and the biggest blessing in our life. They truly make our life sweeter, we have to work together for their good and as we do that it blesses us so much. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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